Being Present

“Rarely are we ever truly present.” – Evy Poumpouras

People have gone to such great lengths to be connected — cell phones, WebEx, Slack, smart watches — yet we have managed to be disconnected. We no longer know how to give someone undivided attention. The irony is we have been sold that these apps and devices increase our productivity. Not only do they not do this, our personal connections falter. Evy Poumpouras writes in Becoming Bulletproof:

“One of the fastest ways to sabotage you rapport with someone is to keep your phone out. I’ve seen people go to great lengths to connect with others, and yet their phone will be in their hand, splayed out on their desks or dinner table, signaling to everyone around them that there is something else of potentially greater importance waiting to take their attention away. This sends the message that whoever you’re with is less deserving of your time and that you’re not fully present.”

You might think this is just about courtesy or respect, but it’s bigger than that. “…it’s about influence…this signals how much you value” someone and “…you’ll be able to observe and read them better if you’re giving them your full focus…”

For some people, their devices have become an addiction. I see people who can’t walk across the hall to another office for a few minutes without their phone. For those who bring it in the bathroom, what are you doing? Does always having your phone make you feel important? Listen, kids have phones. Devices haven’t been a status symbol for decades. What are you going to miss by being away from your phone for a few minutes or — the horror — a few hours?

“Unless you’re expecting an emergency call, such as news about a sick family member, then the statistical probability of your personal Armageddon occurring during thirty minutes of being unavailable, is, well… statistically improbable.”

Maybe being part of the last generation to grow up without cells phones (Gen X, but some of you older Millennials as well) gives us a different perspective. We knew how to be gone all day, or a whole week, and no one knew we were alive until we got back. We used phones at other peoples houses (they existed). We didn’t check in every five minutes. Could you survive if cell service disappeared? Do you panic when you realize you forgot your phone at home?

Technology is a tool, but tools can be misused. Learn to use them, and not used by them. In our quest to communicate and connect more with people, we quite often are doing the complete opposite.